Toddlers and Stepfamilies

Getting a balanced, happy family life can be tricky in any home. Obviously where step families are concerned there are added complications. If these can be overcome then step siblings can hopefully become an important part of each others lives and step parents and step children can have a strong relationship.

Setting some simple house rules means everyone knows what is expected of them and all family members are treated the same.

Everyone follows the same rules.
Parents should be consistent for everyone.
Everyone should treat each other with respect.
Everyone’s possessions should be treated with respect.

They may resent your partner

It is natural for children to feel jealous of a parent’s partner. You will both need to be sympathetic towards the children’s feelings. They may resent your partner as they want you to be back with their other parent again. This again is normal behaviour for a young child but they need to understand that this is not going to happen.

All children need to feel secure and loved. Whether a child lives in the home full time or for short periods such as weekend visits, they need to feel at home there.

Try to organise some activities that everyone can participate in.
Try to make time for children to spend some time with their natural parent on their own.
Could the step parents do a fun activity with the children to help them bond?
Even if children share a room, make their own personal space comfortable and appealing to them.
Have somewhere that they can store their own personal possessions that aren’t for sharing.
Do not try to replace or compete with their other parent.
Do not speak negatively of their other parent.
Children will make comparisons and try to play parents against each other, for their own benefit. This is normal; be aware, calm and controlled.
If possible keep up good levels of communication with the other parent. Be polite and civilised with the other parent/step parent.
Reassure the children that they are loved and wanted. Show them that they are special and an important part of the family.
Have bucket loads of patience and try not to be hurt by negative reactions towards you. Understand that the children will probably feel hurt, jealous, angry, fearful and insecure. Your job as a parent or step parent is to help combat these emotions. You are doing a great job, keep going!